Trusting in the Slow Work of God November 9, 2011

I’ve been experiencing a good amount of anxiety since returning back to the US without DW – worries about our future, what God may be calling us to, and whether or not we’re up to the task or strong enough to follow through. I hate feeling anxious. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve experienced prolonged bouts of anxiety, and I think I had become prideful in my “ability” to overcome such a “weakness.” Bleh. Writing that makes me want to throw up because it reveals such ugliness in my heart.

I was sitting alone at church on Sunday (one of the reasons I’m so excited to have DW back is to be able to sit next to him at church…I’ve missed that so…), and our pastor prayed this prayer over us. During the prayer, I literally felt God’s peace overcome me. Though I desperately want to, I cannot put this feeling into words. But it was awesome. And for that time, I had a sense that everything was going to be okay. What God may be leading us into is scary and uncomfortable, but He will go before us and His power, and His alone, will accomplish His purposes.

I encourage you to pray this prayer aloud. For some reason, speaking Truth out loud sometimes gives it more power and more permission to “be so” in my life. Enjoy these words. Soak in the reality that God is at work, even if there is no tangible sign of this in the earthly realm. Trust in the slow work of God….

Above all, trust in the slow work of God. 

We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay. 

We should like to skip the intermediate stages. 


We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new. 

Yet it is the law of all progress that is made by passing through some stages of instability and that may take a very long time. 



And so I think it is with you. 

Your ideas mature gradually.
Let them grow. 

Let them shape themselves without undue haste. 

Do not try to force them on as though you could be today what time
– that is to say, grace –and circumstances acting on your own goodwill will make you tomorrow.

Only God could say what this new Spirit gradually forming in you will be. 


Give our Lord the benefit of believing that his hand is leading you, and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete. 


Above all, trust in the slow work of God, our loving vine-dresser. 
Amen.

-Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Remember When I Used to Blog? November 8, 2011

Whew.  It’s sure been awhile.  Since my last post, DW left for Cambodia, I went to Cambodia to visit him, we went to Thailand together, and know I’ve been home alone for 3 weeks.  And I still have 2 more weeks until DW returns.  The trip was incredible.  Amazing.  We loved being back in SE Asia together experiencing new places, revisiting old ones, meeting new people, and reconnecting with old friends.  I’m so thankful for everything I was able to experience. 

I was inspired to blog today after a visit I had with a dear, wise older woman from my church.  She’s so legit.  She was a counselor for several years before retiring.  She embodies all I want to be when I’m in my 70s.  She radiates such beauty and wisdom, and I find myself so drawn to her and eager to take in all she says.  She’s been through quite a bit and came from an extremely difficult family situation.  But the Lord has transformed her, and I love her story.  Plus, she was totally rockin’ the skinny black jeans she had on today.  AND she still does yoga.  God bless her.

We first met together soon after we had moved to AZ.  If you recall, I was not at all in an emotionally healthy place.  Remember that year and a half I cried every day?  Well, she was a listening ear to me in that needy time.  Though we didn’t meet together regularly or often, I felt so thankful for her sage advice and comfort. 

As we chatted today, it was fun to look back and see how far I’d come in the last few years.  Don’t get me wrong, I have a long way to go.  But she was so encouraging and so supportive and so quick to point out how she saw God at work in me.  It was such a special, sacred time.  And I needed that this morning.  After we chatted awhile, we hugged, and she prayed for me…it was as if God Himself was embracing me and speaking blessing and truth over me.  I left her home with a spring in my step, ready to face the day.  Thus, I was inspired to blog again.

The Life You Are Meant to Find August 1, 2011

As most of you know, Over the Rhine is probably my favorite musical group.  Their lyrics are soul-wrenchingly deep, and so many of their songs hold particular memories for me.  I was introduced to them in college and was fortunate enough to live in the group’s hometown (Cincinnati) for several years post-college.  Anyway, I receive monthly emails from them (as in a mass e-mail, not to just me), and Linford (of Linford and Karin) included this.  It struck me this evening, and I wanted to share:

“The life you are meant to find will wring your heart to the point of breaking, and then douse you with buckets of joy when you’re not looking.” -Linford Detweiler

Overthinking/Overanalyzing July 28, 2011

In this pursuit of potentially going to Asia next year, I’ve discovered that because it’s something that I want so much, I fear that God won’t allow it to happen.  Moving to Asia seems natural…we can’t imagine ourselves anywhere else.

My friend Sandra (who is a missionary in Bangkok) posted this article on Facebook yesterday, and it was so good for my soul.  I thought I would share.

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I was never called to be a missionary, nor was I drafted. I volunteered. No special call was needed. I chose to go; I wanted to go; I was compelled to go. And where I go is always determined by an open Bible and a stretched-out map of the regions where Christ is still unknown and un-praised!

I chuckle when I hear missionaries and pastors talk about “surrendering to the call” of ministry. I always want to ask, “After you surrendered, were you water-boarded, or just hauled off in handcuffs and leg irons.” Was it really necessary for you to be abducted by a heavenly vision before you would go into the work of the gospel?

The missionary call is not like a prison dog that tracks us down, sniffs us out, and hog-ties us for the nations. That is silly-talk and really bad theology. Nowhere in Scripture is a mysterious (supernatural) call a prerequisite before we can respond to the Great Commission. The opposite is actually true.

Don’t Wait for a Call

No aspect of mission is more bogged down with extra-biblical baggage than the “missionary call.”  The clear command of Christ “to go” should be, by itself, sufficient to set you on your way “into all the world. . . proclaiming the gospel to the whole creation” (Mark 16:15). You can’t go wrong by trying to go. Trust the Lord to direct your moving feet. If you are convinced of your “call” to “stay”, this will only serve as added confirmation that you are right. Don’t fear the risk of ending up some place the Lord doesn’t want you. Too many already took that “risk” when they assumed a stateside ministry or vocation with no confirmation other than their own desires.

Dramatic calls to ministry are the exception. If you have it in your heart to go, then go. Then, lean on the sovereignty of God to get you where he wants you in the harvest. Don’t worry about “running ahead of God.” You aren’t that quick!

Try to Go

Paul tried to go into Asia, but the Lord wouldn’t let him. He then tried to go to Bithynia, but was “kept by the Holy Spirit from preaching the word in the province of Asia.” Still, he kept trying to go. I count at least six cities in Acts 16 where Paul tried to take the gospel. It was only then that the Lord gave him a vision of the Macedonian. He woke up the next morning and immediately headed for the regions north, having “concluded that God had called them to preach the gospel in Macedonia.

The heavenly vision wasn’t a “call” to mission, it was specific guidance for missionaries that were already going.

The point?  Don’t complicate the missionary call. Get radical with the going and God will get radical in the specific guiding.

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/dont-complicate-the-missionary-call

Dreams July 16, 2011

So I had a dream last night in which DW and I were shopping at a jewelry shop in Bangkok.  DW was frantically searching for this one particular type of bracelet, and I was so distressed because there were all these accessories I couldn’t buy but despearately wanted to.  It was crazy vivid, and I honestly woke up with feelings of anxiety because I couldn’t buy the jewelry I wanted to in the dream.  What is my subconscious trying to work out?!?!?

Funny July 13, 2011

So, I found that old blog I referred to in the previous post.  I wrote the below post without reading this one, and it was funny to read that I referred to a $10 skirt TWICE.   Hahaha.  Thought you may enjoy this too:  http://adornmentchallenge.wordpress.com/

An Invitation July 13, 2011

I knew this was probably coming.  Last April, I actually started a blog devoted to it.  But I sort of ignored the prompting (or “invitation” as Kelli says) and went along my merry way.  But in the back of my mind, I knew this would crop again.

So, here I am again…”putting it out there”:  no clothing purchases for the remainder of the year. 

In this journey toward simplicity, I’m noticing that I’m very stressed by the state of my closet and dresser.  They are both crammed full of clothes.  There’s not much excess room, and it bothers me. 

My name is Allison, and I have too many articles of clothing. 

A few years ago while attending Crossroads (*sigh* – love that place), we participated in an all-church journey called “Consumed.”  Essentially, the aim was for people to be set free from their hold on money/possessions.  Not that these things are bad per se, but if we aren’t careful, we develop an unhealthy attachment to them.  Anyway, one woman shared how she felt God inviting her to take a year off from purchasing “anything that would adorn” herself.  I really admired her resolve and commitment, but I was certain I could never do something like that.  I like clothes.  I like jewelry.  I like accessories of all kinds. 

But it’s getting out of hand.  When stuff causes stress, there’s a problem.  So imma-gon-do-somethin’-’bout it.  I’m scared.  I love clothes and shoe shopping in Bangkok, because it’s CUTE and CHEAP. 

The last thing I want this to become is a legalistic exercise in asceticism or to make anyone else feel bad for buying clothes or enjoying them.   That’s not the point, and I don’t want it to become the point.  Please hold me accountable if you see me heading there. 

However, if anyone else is up for joining me, I’d love a companion!  Mostly, because I’m still not certain I can do this and would love some accountability and someone to give me perspective when I’m at H & M and there’s an oh-too-cute skirt that is just $10 that I MUST HAVE! 

Lord, have mercy on my possession-driven heart.

Some Updates July 11, 2011

Many of you know that DW received a 3-month fellowship to work with Kiva (www.kiva.org) this upcoming fall.  Along with assisting a local MFI, he will also be able to gather research for his doctoral dissertation as his topic is technology and the microfinance industry.  We have been really excited about this, and DW just received word on Friday that he has been placed in Cambodia! 

We were, somewhat naively, hoping that I would be able to take a 2-month leave of absence from my job so I could join him for most of his time abroad.  However, my boss was not able to grant this.  I was initially really surprised but I understood that it would cause much extra work for my colleagues during a busy time of the academic year.  DW was in Europe when I got that news, so that was difficult to process over the phone since I am NOT a phone talker.  We decided to talk it over when I got to Prague.  My boss did say that I could take 3-4 weeks off to visit.

Over several conversations, we decided that I would continue at my job.  DW initially said he would just not go as being apart for that long would be difficult.  However, that was not an option for me.  This is such an amazing opportunity for him, and I was not about to get in the way of this!  It was a hard decision…being apart for 2.5 weeks this past May WAS hard.  I go back and forth as to how I’m feeling about it…some days I’m fully at peace, confident that I will be okay.  Other times, I feel anxious and worried about how I will cope.  But on the whole, I’m so excited about this and in the grand scheme of things, 2 months apart is not the end of the world.  Plus, DW is going to be doing great work and helping individuals in poverty gain access to loans that will better their lives/help them with small businesses.  Kiva is such an amazing organization, and we’re excited to be a small part of it.

Also while in Europe, we had several conversations about our near future.  DW will likely be done with his PhD in May 2012, the “what comes next” conversations needed to start a-happenin’.  As you know, our desire since returning from Thailand in 2008 was to eventually go back full-time for as long as the Lord would have us there.  We left our hearts there and honeslty can’t imagine living anywhere else or doing anything else but working with NightLight.  Part of my time in Asia this September/October will be spent in Bangkok (with DW) to visit our friends at NightLight and talk about what us being there (potentially starting next summer!) would look like and what the current needs are.  We’ve been so encouraged by the staff there, and it feels so good to know that they want us back…and soon!  So we’re pursuing this, praying about this, and trying to hold it loosely, but at the same time excited about stepping into this journey.  I wish I could write on and on about all God has done in the last 3 years to work on my heart and bring healing to deep, dark places.  Though I have a long, long way to go, I am excited about returning to Thailand as a much more whole person, confident of who I am and confident of my God and His transforming power. 

Would you please pray for us as we begin this process?  I can certainly say that we want this journey to be done in community, not in isolation.

Special People July 8, 2011

We’re back from Europe and resettling back in our “routine” life in AZ.  Typically, I’d stress about needing to encapsulate the trip in perfect, poetic words.  Not. today.  It was a fantastic time of revisiting places we’d been and discovering new gems.  DW and I had lots of good connecting conversations and times where we each read our own separate books and just enjoyed one another’s quiet company. 

A highlight was spending a week with our friends, the Parkers, who are currently living in England.  Spending time with Nicole was so good for my soul.  I felt free to be myself…we laughed, we cried.  We marveled that we’ve been friends now for over a decade.  I loved making memories as couples and enjoyed watching our husbands laugh together and make jokes with one another.  It was a sweet, sweet time, and I’m so grateful.  So, so grateful.

Today I’m feeling blessed for the people God has placed in my life.  I know some truly remarkable people and have been the recipient of so much love – all very undeserved.  I only hope that I can be as good a friend to each of you as you have been to me.

Delighting in love… June 12, 2011

DW and I went to Venice this past weekend.  Who are the people out there saying Venice is overrated?  Srsly.  It totally knocked our socks off.  I could wax superlatives til I’m blue in the face about this place.

But I’ll keep this post short and to the point.

Our marriage has been far from picture perfect.  We’ve struggled, ohhhhh….we’ve struggled.  I’ve gritted my teeth many-a-time, cried lots of tears, and by the grace of God didn’t walk out the door.

But this past weekend, we were in love.  And we FELT in love.  We delighted in each other (which sounds like a nice, clean Christian euphemism for sex, but I’m not using that in that sense here!) and being with each other.  And boy, was it fantastic.